Undercurrents
by GuessedOne
Summary: SPOILERS Campaign 2 Episode 98 of Critical Role. Fjord can't help but feel like his past is coming back to haunt him. Luckily,,he has two clerics in the party. Rated M for recollections of traumatic events and mild swearing.


Before the Mighty Nein set sail with the ambassador fleet from Nicodranas, the group had a few days to rest, recover, and reflect on their journey so far.

It is during that time that we find Fjord, alone in his room in the Lavish Chateau, sitting cross-legged on the floor, with his,eyes closed and brow furrowed.

_Focus on your breathing._ Fjord told himself. _Breathe in...breathe out….deep breathe in….deep breathe out... Imagine the ocean. Embrace it. Feel the gentle, warm breeze. The sound of the waves as they crash against the bow of the ship._

_Ignore the cold pit in your stomach._

Fjord's breathing begins to quicken.his heart rate spikes.

_Search for the warm breeze of the Wildmother._

_Through Her, you can ignore the cold, dark pit of hatred, suffering, and despair. That pit invokes images of watching an angel of death controlled by a devil, strike down a monk, who she once considered an ally. it invokes images of a hulking man sticking a large, dangerous looking greatsword into an unmoving purple teifling… it invokes the sight of another teifling, this one blue, as her limbs flay about wildly as they cling desperately for air in the overflowing pyramid. It invokes Sabien's betrayal. The ship explosion. So much pain. So much cold. The feeling of the air being slowly squeezed out of the lungs. Which way is the surface? Where are the bubbles of air going? Can't see. Can't think. Can't do anything. Can't -_

There's a gentle rapp on the door. Fjord snaps out of his trance, breathing heavily, coughing and wheezing.

"Fjord? Are you in there? Can I come in?" A familiar deep, rumbling voice comes from the other side of the door.

"Caduceus! Yes..Yes. Come in. The door's open."

The door opens to reveal Caduceus Clay, the Firbolg cleric of the Wildmother. To most, Caduceus' appearance would be shocking, but Fjord had long ago become acclimated to his seven foot tall, slender form, his vibrant pink mohawk and his pale skin. Caduceus was a welcome sight to Fjord. Though he was Fjord's newer companion in the Mighty Nein, Caduceus had proven to be a valuable ally on the battlefield, and an even greater friend and mentor off of it.

As Caduceus walked in, his eyes locked on to Fjord as he surveyed the situation:

Fjord, dry heaving and coughing alone in his room, clearly rattled and disheveled. Something was clearly amiss, and concern was written all over Cad's face as he strode over to Fjord, bent down and put his hands on Fjord's shoulders.

"Hey, now. Fjord. It's alright. It's okay. You're in the Lavish Chateau. You're safe."

Fjord nods, mostly to reassure Caduceus that he had heard him.

The truth is, Fjord didn't feel safe. He didn't feel safe at all. This was the closest that he'd been to the ocean since he broke off from Uk'otoa. Uk'otoa is stronger here. He can feel the monstrous thing's power thrum against his soul, and he couldn't, quite shake a distinct feeling of unease and foreboding.

"Sorry, Caduceus. I - I don't know what happened. I was trying to meditate and connect with the Wildmother, and I just…"

"And you decided connect with the goddess of _nature_ while you were indoors in a stuffy room filled with perfumes.and scented candles."

"Yeah, this probably wasn't the best choice, now that I think about it." Fjord said with chagrin. Caduceus always had a sense of serenity about him, and with it, the feeling of unease was already starting to lose its edge.

"It's not the worst place you could have picked either. To be fair, I've done worse." Caduceus said with a small smile.

"Really?" Fjord said hopefully.

"No."

"Oh."

"It's alright. You're still figuring things out. Come on, let's go get some fresh air, maybe find something to eat, huh?"

With a helping hand from Caduceus, Fjord picked himself up, and together they walked outside to the sights and sounds of the Nicodranas streets.

\--

Eventually, they ended up at the little fish and chips shop that the group had come across previously. They settled into their seats, ate their meals, and idly chatted about their lives and their journey so far. As the conversation went on, Fjord leaned back into his chair, significantly calmer and more relaxed than before.

"So, Caduceus, I've been meaning to ask you something. " Fjord began. "Why didn't you insist upon helping your family get home? I mean, why not see your mission through and see your home again? "

Caduceus was deep in thought, pausing for a long moment, before replying.

"Well, I suppose I have a few reasons actually. The first reason, is that I think my Destiny is with you, and the rest of the Mighty Nein. I get the feeling that everyone in our little group is Destined for something incredible, and I can help you all achieve that.

The second reason would be that It wasn't my mission. It was the Wildmother's mission. I know that the Wildmother's plans are not solely for me. I am just one speckle of life among many. I may have my duty and my role in life, but in the end, the Wildmother and I are not like the Traveler and Jester. The Wildmother does not have to rely solely on me to carry out Her will. I trust my family to do what needs to be done back at home, but my place is here.

Third, I feel like, if I go back now, there will be a part of me that never will want to leave. I _love_ my home. It will have a special place in my heart wherever I go. At the same time, ever since I've left my home, I've seen so many beautiful and wondorous things. Some more dangerous than others, maybe, but nevertheless beautiful.

Since coming with you all on this journey, I realized something: I had been closed off from the rest of the world and had become ignorant of it.

If I go back home, then I would be tempted to stay, and if I did stay, I might never leave. And if I never leave, then I will close myself off from the rest of the world again and distance myself from all of the amazing and beautiful things I've seen. It's a lot like what you were doing in the Lavish Chateau just now. "

Fjord, who had momentarily forgot about his vision, tensed slightly as the conversation was led back to him.

"Fuck."

Caduceus stared at Fjord knowingly. "This isn't the first time you've isolated yourself lately. Last night you snuck off on your own, and you came back drunk. Now, I'm not one to judge, but things aren't quite right for you, are they? What's going on with you, Fjord?"

Fjord sighed, taking a moment to prepare himself.

"Uk'otoa's still out there, Caduceus. I can still feel him...it...whatever that thing is. I'm still connected to him somehow. It's weak...like it's muffled under a thick blanket...but still there, and stronger near the ocean. I can feel his hate. He feels betrayed, and he's looking for revenge. I know that he is powerful, like some sort of demi god. I know that type of hold he had on me. I'm not going to lie, Caduceus. Uk'otoa scares me. I don't know if I can face him."

"Good," said Caduceus simply. " You should be scared. I'm scared of that thing, and I don't know half of what happened in your dreams with it, I'm sure. It's alright to be afraid of this thing. Fear is a survival instinct. Fear keeps you alive...but it can also keep you from living. "

Fjord nods, still unsure, but contemplative. Caduceus continues.

"Uk'otoa is still a threat to the world, and to you. That's something we know, right? Then let's use what we know, and prepare ourselves. "

"We?" Fjord asked.

"Of course, 'we'." Caduceus said with a grin. " Wow, this Uk'otoa thing has really gotten to you, hasn't it? Fjord, we just got done saving Veth from a curse from an ancient and powerful creature. Beau was ready to exile herself. Yasha was ready to fight against that creature right then and there. Do you think we wouldn't do just as much to save you?

"You're right, Caduceus. That was silly of me, I don't-"

"No. No, I can see it in your eyes. There's still a part of you that doubts your place in this group, isn't there? You don't want us fighting and dying for you, even though you would do the same for us in a heartbeat."

Fjord stays silent. Caduceus grew stern.

"Fjord. You are worthy. You are a good man, and a good friend to me and to everyone else in this little family. If I didn't try to help you, I wouldn't be a good person or a good friend. I guarantee the others feel the same way."

Fjord replied, "And how do you know that?"

As if destiny was determined to prove Caduceus's point, Fjord suddenly heard a familiar tiefling voice inside of his head, and a smile crept upon his face . As the message went on, he mouthed the word "Jester" to Caduceus to let him know what was happening. Caduceus smiled knowingly.

_"Hi, Fjord! It's me, Jester. Where are you? Can we talk? You're acting weird lately. Well, not weird, really, but distracted, and I wanted to -"_

"Uh, Jester, the last bit of that cut off. I just finished eating lunch with Caduceus. I can meet you at the Lavish Chateau in around, maybe, 25 minutes or so?"

"I think that was too many words, Fjord. " Caduceus said.

"Shit… well, it's harder to keep track of things when you're the one doing the message, you know?"

"I'll take your word for it."

"Right. Good." Fjord got up to leave. "Well, I better get back to meet with Jester. Are you coming with?"

Caduceus responded, "No, you go on ahead. I've got some shopping to do anyways. "

"Alright then. I'll see you later, Caduceus.. "

"Alright….and Fjord? Don't be afraid to live your life."

Fjord smiled at Caduceus and left.

\--

Twenty minutes later, Fjord was in a much better mood, as he walked through the threshold of the Lavish Chateau to find Jester, who hopped off the front desk that she was sitting on when she noticed Fjord.

"Fjord! Oh my gosh, finally, you're back," said Jester in mock impatience, before smiling. " So you and Caduceus talked? Is everything okay?"

"You know, I think I'll be alright, Jester."

"Good. I'm glad you're okay, Fjord. "

A silent moment passes, before Jester pipes up again.

"Well, geez, Fjord, if this is all we were going to say, I should have just sent another message." Jester pouted. "We could have had this conversation then instead of wasting all this time waiting for you to get here."

Fjord put his hand on her shoulder gently and said, "Jester- Jester, just because I don't need your advice, that doesn't mean I don't want to spend time with you. "

Jester's pouty and annoyed expression is dropped, and Jester smiles again.

"Come on," Fjord says. "Let's get out of the house and see what we can find, shall we?"

And so, Jester and Fjord spent the next few hours exploring the city of Nicodranas, chattering about the sights and telling each other about their day and stories from before they met. As Jester spotted a nearby bakery and pulled Fjord along, Fjord felt a warm breeze across his face. Life was good, and he was content.

Almost content enough to forget about the cold, dark pit still deep within him.

_

Author's Note:

Well, I think this will do it for this little story. I had written the part about Fjord having that meditation struggle back in January and hadn't touched it since,but after C2E98, I felt like this fic HAD to be done, so I modified what I had to fit the setting of Nicodranas, and the rest kind of came to me as I wrote. I hope you enjoyed.

this is my first real fanfic, so be honest and be critical.


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